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Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in I'm not as think as you thick I am's LiveJournal:

Sunday, June 3rd, 2007
8:53 am
[pauamma]
Thursday, September 28th, 2006
2:55 pm
[bekijane]
In honour of the Punster...
It would only be too wonderful to go home to his rolling hillside estate which over looked the sea. God knows he could use the brake. Well yes, or he'd likely end up rolling down the hillside estate and into the sea...

Her pale blue-jeans, tank top shirt and long leather trench coat were a completely outcast when compared to her father’s office. Huh? "You come to the wrong place, Major." " So did you, Jet." "I'll give you five minutes to get out of here." "And I'll give you five seconds to go for your gun." /obscure film references. Note to fic author; CONTRAST and compare.

His eyes had collided with hers.. Ow. Eyes across a crowded room perhaps, but when eyes collide it's just painful. On so many levels.

His deep, baritone voice glided through the air And collided with the eyes which were still recovering...

Harry hummed in response and idly picked at a bread role Perhaps the stew role would have been too meaty for such a young actor?

Current Mood: Very Snape-ish
Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
11:20 pm
[xwingace]
No matter how small the fandom...
There's still badfic.

Once upon a time, the BBC produced a miniseries about Casanova. Some months later, the actor playing the title part soared into popularity as he was cast as the new Doctor in Doctor Who.

I can only imagine that fic like this is a response to
that popularity, and despair.

The fic has one review, but the reviewer seems to think the fic is about the Heath Ledger movie. Argh.
snarking cut for language...Collapse )
And I haven't even touched on the horrendous punctuation...

Author, please get out of the fandom. Giac has suffered enough already, thanks.

XWA
Sunday, November 6th, 2005
1:59 am
[bekijane]
*disinterested monotone* "It burns. It burns. Argh. My Eyes."
Soon she was so indulged in her work, that all thoughts of Snape, Harry and Draco Malfoy had been banned from her mind. Work as an indulgence, that bans the thoughts of others. Roget's bought himself a merry go round.

starting at her feet, running up her spine, coming down her shoulders and ending in her stomach, her bowels twitching. Ug. That's not lust. It's a bad case of the runs.

In the mean time, Green Witch Mean Time?

suffered some internal bleedings Ooookay. Your beta reader is on danger money honey.

Arthur Weasley scraped his throat"ahem" she said, clearing her throat and silencing the fic writer.

you knew that on forehand and I felt it on backhand. Anyone for tennis?

...a pink envelop... enough. I'm going to bed.
Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
8:53 am
[animamea]
I try to stay away from fic that has painful grammar and spelling.  The teaser is usually a good indication.  Unfortunately, I AM subjected to fics with decent spelling, grammar, and punctuation, but PAINFUL characterizations.

Here it goes...  Brace yourself...

"At that moment they heard the bathroom door open and they turned to see Ginny peek out the door. She smiled shyly, then stepped out. Draco and Blaise both smiled back. She looked so cute, with her big blue eyes and her red hair, falling in damp ringlets to her arse."

DRACO.  AND.  BLAISE.  Smiling at Ginny Weasley, Gryffindor blood-traitor, Potter fan extraordinaire.

My brain explodes with WTF...

ETA: Arse is not the "polite" term for ass. It is the RUDE form of ass, and usually ass means "donkey"

So... WTF.

Current Mood: annoyed
Monday, October 10th, 2005
3:07 am
[bekijane]
I needed cheering up...
"the most curcial key" the one that yells "Crucio!" when you turn it, or the one with the curly capitals on it?

I can’t ask you of anything Which just killed the conversation stone dead.

Suddenly Pigwideon’s spirit was reimbursed Payback time! ( Roget's spinning faster...)

some found dark and opposing Like light. Light could find dark opposing.

she always leapt over their expectations Aye, they would leave 'em lying on the floor.

“POTTER! Get your ass out of my car and into the house.” Beacause donkeys are noisy and smelly, and really don't belong in family cars.

Suddenly, a knock rang at the door, And the bell rapped sharply.

took a huge bite of his soup Souperb! He'll drink his bread for an encore.

Current Mood: bitchy
Saturday, September 24th, 2005
3:30 am
[bekijane]
we're living in toulouse...
"It was a standard size room, having the lav, a shower cubicle, and a toilet separate in its own closet" So that you could go twice ifyou really had to.

Brit pick. Really really necessary. How to ruin a good fic.

Current Mood: cranky
Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
9:36 pm
[bekijane]
Give me a big red pen. Stat!

“Hopeful nothing” squeak peter - "Hopefully nothing" squeaked Peter.


all and all these four together was a nightmare waiting to happen. - All in all these four together were a nightmare waiting to happen.


Don’t be to shore james - Don’t be too sure James (No, being a beach isn't nice. Sand gets everywhere. Darn. Blew it. I'll never be able to channel Snape.)



Current Mood: marking
Saturday, May 14th, 2005
1:51 am
[bekijane]
How disappointing
"maybe on the whole British Isle." We've only one isle now, move along, more room on top!
Thursday, May 12th, 2005
11:18 pm
[bekijane]
Please pass the bucket.
This is no typo. This is deliberate and willful misconduct of the highest order.

"Finally, the Hat made its choice. "Slythindor!"

A confused murmuring broke out around the Great Hall. 'Slythindor? What kind of House is that?'"
Which is exactly what I would like to know.

-------
Later in a reasonable fic...
"An innocent person, barley a child" A corn dolly then?

Current Mood: nauseated
Thursday, April 28th, 2005
3:23 am
[bekijane]
Oh go away and learn to write...
These two courtesy of todays pottersues

"an all girls ‘privet school’" Hedging their bets then.
" He looks spectacle about it then agrees" Erm, yes. Next!

Current Mood: cranky
Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
1:39 am
[bekijane]
Standing ovation for the best deliberately funny line I've seen in a fic in ages.
"Wolfsbane Potion ingredients - 30 galleons. Safety closet - 50 galleons. Canary Cream - 10 sickles. The look on your evil professor's face when he realizes he's a huge yellow bird - priceless." Woot! Cheer! Yay. Rated NC17-registration and password required

I take my hat off to you "Priscilla" - you have just restored my faith in fanfic.

Current Mood: impressed
Sunday, April 24th, 2005
1:08 am
[bekijane]
Severus speaks the truth in fiction...
As she walked back up to her room she (once again) bumped into Snape. At lest this time they didn’t fall. “Well I guess were getting into the habit of bumping into each other.”

“One witch I never intended to do.” He walked past her.
You're right, Professor Snape. you wouldn't *do* this Witch, she's a Mary-Sue of the worst type. Gah!

"she fallowed like a little puppy" What a dear!

"all he had to do was get 225 gallons (300 dollars)". Gallons of dollars? You can't spend either in Britain.

Current Mood: crazy
Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
12:40 am
[bekijane]
I've been being spoiled by *good* fic
But we're back to normal now...

"not being able to preform the job" Not allowed to say 'here's one I made earlier' eh?

Current Mood: cranky
Sunday, April 17th, 2005
3:23 pm
[bekijane]
"Surley This Can't Be Happening!" (yes it's the title of a fic)
"Hermione ate quickly the next morning she had been looking forward to today for a very long time, but know she had lost all hope. He had walked in and come straight towards her but she had only gotten up and walked towards someone else." Huh? I think I may be too tired to care now.

"I would like you to work on some Arithmancy and also some Ancient Ruins." Stonehenge and Malmsbury Abbey perchance? I don't think they'd fit in the classroom. The word you were looking for is RUNES.

“I’m Capitan you know!” Yes, Herr kapitan, ve vill vin ze house cup zis year.

"You know it’s really ingratiating not knowing how many of these ‘spottings’ are real." I suppose the fact that Harry had been "spotted" could try and charm it's way into being liked, but I doubt it.

"you’ll come to the old Charmed classroom." Charmed, I'm sure.

Current Mood: cranky
2:06 am
[bekijane]
I beg your pardon?
"What an stuck-up gremlin! Detention for TWO weeks worth of sleep?" You never mentioned sleep, it was an essay, and *an* gremlin is a small thing that gets into machinery and breaks it, I doubt Hermione would ever describe SS as "an stuck-up gremlin".

"An 8 year old Krystyyl sat in her small bedroom, chewing a loose tendril of her slick black hare. She had tied her thick, shiny hare back in a braid today, which showed off her bright pink highlights. When the screaming started from downstairs she rolled her clear blue eyes. She heard footsteps coming up the stares, " " but if you fale, I’ll have to ask you to leave. Your giving me no choice, Krystyyl" “You called your principle WHAT!1!111!11!” Just please kill me now. Ow Ow Ow. This has to be a p*ss take or a troll. HAS to be.

"She told Ginny after ten minuets of how fantastic there date had been" Ten minuets and a gavotte, I didn't know wizards were into formal dances on casual dates. /me ignores "there".

Current Mood: nauseated
Friday, April 15th, 2005
2:13 pm
[bekijane]
The thesaurus is an extinct dinosaur
"Hermione couldn't help noticing the languishing look in the girl's eyes." And Roget turns in his grave.

"I will never seize to look for you" WD40 mate, that'll loosen you up.

Current Mood: bored
Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
4:40 pm
[bekijane]
Another WTF? Moment.
"Many others (namely Buffy the Vampire Slayer and her friends, along with Lestat) had also helped them. Dumbledore’s idea had been to reach out to the vampires before Voldemort did. And the plan had worked." No, love, I don't care that you've written a Buffy / HP crossover before. I don't want to know about it in your HP fic. No it won't make me go and look for it.

Current Mood: nauseated
Monday, April 11th, 2005
4:29 pm
[bekijane]
I'm not as think as you thick I am - great fanfic lines from Baaaad fanfic
"She was nearly as old as Albus, and had been ridden in bed for some five odd years." Which of course would make anyone get a bit tired - not to mention sore.

"But I’m telling you, Hermione better come down here looking like Margaret Thatcher, for all the time and preparation they’ve done.” WTF? Just W.T.F?

Current Mood: amused
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